Rebirth

Journal

Dress – Shakuhachi

Necklace – The Serpents Club

Art – Sugarhigh Lovestoned

 

Recently I’ve felt an emotional shift that I don’t think I’ll ever fully be able to articulate, but it’s one that i’m feeling happy and relieved about. Since moving into my own place, I’ve felt the most comfortable with myself than I ever have. I believe this is due to a range of new factors, from having a space I can make my own to finally being 100% self reliant.

The main shift is that until 5 months ago, I was in a really unhappy relationship for years, with someone who I was never really compatible with in terms of lifestyle and mentality. This made me feel really stifled for a long time – I couldn’t fully express myself without some kind of passing comment or judgement and he was utterly unsupportive of every venture I ever took up including my business. After a while I became so critical of myself that I developed some major social anxiety issues, which I had never experienced prior to our relationship. I was always known for being really confident, outgoing and social, yet during those four years I constantly feared I was being judged and became almost a shell of a person (something my best friend described as “you were just so subdued and not the person I’d always known”).

After recovering from the demise of that relationship, I began to feel normal again. I enjoyed socialising, I became much more organised and started enjoying old hobbies again (cooking/writing/photography). I would express my humour and sense of self without fear of criticism and even miraculously stopped biting my nails after 20 years! It was surreal to feel so at ease after years of being at constant war with myself and I knew I’d never be able to slip into that frame of mind ever again. Recently that same ex made some disparaging comments and instead of crumbling and wondering what was wrong with me, I realised everything was wrong with him. I told him to hit the road and promptly removed him from my life for good. Conflict or cutting ties with someone usually would have filled me with anxiety, but this time I felt nothing but peace.

If there’s anything I’ve learnt this year (and without sounding like an inspirational instagram post), it’s that you should swiftly drop anyone that makes you doubt your sense of self. If someone is constantly judgemental, unsupportive, critical and just plain awful to you – they don’t deserve any of your time or energy, ever. If you keep them around they will suck you dry like an emotional vampire.

Perhaps this revelation was the result of cutting a toxic person from my life or maybe it’s just the kind of personal growth that comes with the late 20s territory. Whatever it is, I’m glad I’ve finally hit that glorious milestone of simply not giving a fuck. And I invite you, my dear friends, to join me in the sun. It’s pretty nice over here.

In the spirit of self care and getting my shit together, here’s my incredibly late list of (lets not say, resolutions), but plans for what remains of 2018:

  • Work work work
  • Finally expand my business (I’m so behind on my strategy plan uhhh)
  • Sort my accounts out because I’m not 20 years old anymore
  • Spend more time with friends and family
  • Be a good friend to those who need me and support them fiercely in any way that I can. The last 5 months have shown me how fucking awesome my friends are. They held me up when I was at my worst and put me back together; I will never not be humbled and inspired by them. It still chokes me up to this day when I think back to how incredible they all were and continue to be (and I am not a cryer at all let it be known)
  • Take a fucking holiday, it’s been 5 years ffs
  • Make my new place every inch my own (a museum like wall of prints, crazy rugs and a green velvet upholstered chair need to happen )
  • Take care of myself better (three square healthy meals a day, 8 hours of sleep, lots of water, less smoking – I’m on week 3 of not getting stoned, so gold star for me I guess)
  • Update my blog more often, because writing has always been cathartic
  • Visit one new place every week; whether it’s a city, a restaurant or some form of local landmark
  • Listen to one new album a week (Spotify I know you’ve got me on this)

Soundtrack:

10 Things To Watch This Winter

Journal

It’s freezing cold and the festive holidays are upon us. Wrap up, hit the lights and delve into my personal television favourites.

Dark

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A lot of people are claiming this to be similar to Stranger Things, but honestly this is much darker and explores some really heavy themes. I don’t want to give to much away but all i can say is i watched the whole series back to back in one day (that’s 10 hours straight) and it had me asking WTF aloud at least once an episode. If you’re into gritty dramas, science fiction and horror – this is well worth a watch. (Netflix)

 

The Sinner

I stumbled upon this by accident but I was utterly gripped from start to finish! The story is about a young mother who randomly murders a stranger during a visit to the beach with her family. The mystery doesn’t revolve around who did it, but more so why. I honestly didn’t see the ending coming and I’m preying for season 2. This is now on Netflix for those wanting to watch it in the UK.

The Disappearance

Currently still watching this but I’m thoroughly enjoying it! This limited run Canadian series follow a family torn apart after their youngest member disappears whilst doing his annual birthday treasure hunt. Long buried secrets are brought to the surface as the family desperately tries to uncover the mystery surrounding that the disappearance.

Mindhunter

I’m a self confessed serial killer obsessive (but not in a ‘writes to murderers asking them to marry me’ kinda way). I’ve always been interested in what drives a person to commit such horrific acts of violence, and this was really the perfect show for me.

The series is based on the early career of John E Douglas – the OG criminal profiler who created the system in which law enforcement now use to understand (and categorise) the behaviour of violent criminals. He talked to some of the worst in history; including Ted Bundy and Dennis Rader, so you can expect some pretty twisted conversations throughout. If you’re into the macabre and a great 70s soundtrack – look no further.

 

Stranger Things 2

I binged this within a day and my only complaint about this season is it ended far too soon. Good soundtrack and a classic fight between good and evil.

(Also just date me Steve, I promise I’ll always appreciate you and your 80s haircut.)

Liar

I don’t usually watch ITV because it tends to be tack, but I really enjoyed this series and I’m glad it will be back. It follows the story of a woman who wakes up after a date with a seemingly nice successful guy only to accuse him of sexual assault. The story twists and turns and will have you not sure who to believe until the very end. A really great thriller.

The Killing Season

This came out a year ago but I really enjoyed it and I’ve been waiting on season 2 to come along (fingers crossed) since. Two documentary film makers travel along inner sections and state lines to investigate a string of disappearances and killings, theorising there could be more active serial killers than originally thought. This is really dark but a totally gripping watch.

Real Detective

A re-enactment show that isn’t tacky; it’s basically investigation discovery meets True Detective (season 1). Each episode interviews retired detectives who talk about the worst cases they ever worked on and it’s true what they say; reality really is stranger than fiction. They have an array of decent actors in the stories, including Michael Madsen from Kill Bill. My boyfriend and I watched season 1 and 2 together (and we both cried at the last episodes of both seasons). They save the absolute worst for last and still to this day it makes me (a hardened horror and true crime obsessive) feel uneasy.

Mr. Robot

Oh Elliot, how I’ve missed you. If you’ve not seen this series, then stop what you are doing. Get season 1 up immediately and binge up to where we are now (season 3). It’s so spectacularly shot, the characters are complex and as a whole, it has more twists than a 90s M. Night Shyamalan blockbuster. You won’t be disappointed.

Vice Principles

Okay I’ve been getting all dark so it’s time to lighten it up – I don’t want anyone getting seasonal depression because of this list.

Vice Principles is that beautiful balance between making you want to hit your own head against a wall because it’s so unbearably cringeworthy and just straight up hilarious. It follows two vice principles and their power struggle to become top dog at North Jackson High. It’s got great plot twists and writing throughout. I promise you’ll enjoy it if you liked Eastbound & Down.

The Age Of Aquarius with Hannah Mae Clark

Journal, Personal Style, Styling
Last winter in a freezing turn of the century building, I met up with photographer Hannah Mae Clark to collaborate on a long overdue photoshoot for my A/W 16-17 Star Child capsule collection. We had emailed back and forth building our mood boards up months prior, basing the shoot on our favourite musical muses from the 60’s and 70’s.
This was a perfect theme for us, as my dad (a talented multi instrumentalist and music producer) owned a studio space in Hull filled with beautiful vintage instruments and equipment that he had been collecting since he was a teenager.
If we couldn’t get any more fortunate, after putting a Facebook casting post out, a friend reached out to me recommending her sister Lydia (who happens to look like she could be a long lost 3rd child of Jane Birkin and Serge Gainsbourg.) I was absolutely ecstatic and began feverishly collecting clothes to shoot, most of which were generously provided by dreamy Aussie label Lenni.
You can browse the inspiration for the shoot here
Photography by Hannah Mae Clark
Makeup and Styling: Me
Clothes:
All Jewellery by The Serpents Club
Grey Kimono Dress by Reformation 
Star Neck Scarf – Vintage
Pinafore Dress by Olive Clothing
Mustard Shirt by Chloe
Sparkly Top – Lenni The Label
Longline Bralet – Topsop
Silky Kimono Top – Asos
Black Flares – Models Own
Wooden Platforms – Topshop
Starprint Dress – Lenni The Label
Bodysuit – Reformation 
Soundtrack:

https://open.spotify.com/embed/user/emilymaet/playlist/3J4xC4yx2vXYTPtXaTHS5u

All Star Spangled With Nowhere To Go

Journal, Personal Style, Styling
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This morning I awoke to an eagerly awaited parcel containing the top of my dreams –  the Realisation Par Bianca‘ blouse.
This coveted top amongst foxes worldwide has been on my to buy list since it came out and honestly, my soul needs it in every colour and print imaginable. At a price tag of $140 plus shipping and import charges – I unfortunately just couldn’t justify it as a recent and relatively broke graduate (how I mourn the days of getting a huge chunk of money every 4 months, that was the fucking one.)
After adding anything and everything Realisation Par to my eBay notification list, I found that the garm gods had shined down on me, offering the navy star print in my size. I pretty much watched it like a hawk for the final hour and went in for the kill, with great success. And i’m so glad i did; it’s so delicate and beautifully made it almost feels like a crime to wear it.
Unfortunately living in England where the weather is schizophrenic most of the time, I couldn’t commit to wearing this braless like i’d have liked to. I instead decided to wear it with a skinny bralet to spare me the embarrassment of nip slipping a total rando in the street.
I paired it with the greatest jeans i’ve ever owned (the Mile High skinny jeans by Levis), a pair of wedge espadrilles (how cliche of me) and my fave vintage clutch. I’m absolutely loving this whole basket trend at the moment but I just don’t feel quite Jane Birkin enough to pull it off; it looks a bit too kitch on me. This deep navy leather weave clutch I acquired whilst working for a vintage store is the perfect balance for me.
If you’re also feeling this outfit, i’ve linked to the stores below along with some more bank friendly alternatives.
Tie Front Star Top – Bianca by Realisation Par // HERE (Similar HERE, HERE & HERE)
High Waist Jeans – Mile High by Levis // HERE 
Woven Leather Clutch Bag – Vintage // Similar HERE, HERE & HERE
Espadrille Shoes –  Florence & Fred // Similar HERE, HERE & HERE
Mesh Bralet – Asos // Similar HERE, HERE & HERE
Necklaces – Coin Necklace // HERE
                     Leaf Necklace // HERE
SOUNDTRACK