Dress – Shakuhachi
Necklace – The Serpents Club
Art – Sugarhigh Lovestoned
Recently I’ve felt an emotional shift that I don’t think I’ll ever fully be able to articulate, but it’s one that i’m feeling happy and relieved about. Since moving into my own place, I’ve felt the most comfortable with myself than I ever have. I believe this is due to a range of new factors, from having a space I can make my own to finally being 100% self reliant.
The main shift is that until 5 months ago, I was in a really unhappy relationship for years, with someone who I was never really compatible with in terms of lifestyle and mentality. This made me feel really stifled for a long time – I couldn’t fully express myself without some kind of passing comment or judgement and he was utterly unsupportive of every venture I ever took up including my business. After a while I became so critical of myself that I developed some major social anxiety issues, which I had never experienced prior to our relationship. I was always known for being really confident, outgoing and social, yet during those four years I constantly feared I was being judged and became almost a shell of a person (something my best friend described as “you were just so subdued and not the person I’d always known”).
After recovering from the demise of that relationship, I began to feel normal again. I enjoyed socialising, I became much more organised and started enjoying old hobbies again (cooking/writing/photography). I would express my humour and sense of self without fear of criticism and even miraculously stopped biting my nails after 20 years! It was surreal to feel so at ease after years of being at constant war with myself and I knew I’d never be able to slip into that frame of mind ever again. Recently that same ex made some disparaging comments and instead of crumbling and wondering what was wrong with me, I realised everything was wrong with him. I told him to hit the road and promptly removed him from my life for good. Conflict or cutting ties with someone usually would have filled me with anxiety, but this time I felt nothing but peace.
If there’s anything I’ve learnt this year (and without sounding like an inspirational instagram post), it’s that you should swiftly drop anyone that makes you doubt your sense of self. If someone is constantly judgemental, unsupportive, critical and just plain awful to you – they don’t deserve any of your time or energy, ever. If you keep them around they will suck you dry like an emotional vampire.
Perhaps this revelation was the result of cutting a toxic person from my life or maybe it’s just the kind of personal growth that comes with the late 20s territory. Whatever it is, I’m glad I’ve finally hit that glorious milestone of simply not giving a fuck. And I invite you, my dear friends, to join me in the sun. It’s pretty nice over here.
In the spirit of self care and getting my shit together, here’s my incredibly late list of (lets not say, resolutions), but plans for what remains of 2018:
It’s freezing cold and the festive holidays are upon us. Wrap up, hit the lights and delve into my personal television favourites.
A lot of people are claiming this to be similar to Stranger Things, but honestly this is much darker and explores some really heavy themes. I don’t want to give to much away but all i can say is i watched the whole series back to back in one day (that’s 10 hours straight) and it had me asking WTF aloud at least once an episode. If you’re into gritty dramas, science fiction and horror – this is well worth a watch. (Netflix)
I stumbled upon this by accident but I was utterly gripped from start to finish! The story is about a young mother who randomly murders a stranger during a visit to the beach with her family. The mystery doesn’t revolve around who did it, but more so why. I honestly didn’t see the ending coming and I’m preying for season 2. This is now on Netflix for those wanting to watch it in the UK.
Currently still watching this but I’m thoroughly enjoying it! This limited run Canadian series follow a family torn apart after their youngest member disappears whilst doing his annual birthday treasure hunt. Long buried secrets are brought to the surface as the family desperately tries to uncover the mystery surrounding that the disappearance.
I’m a self confessed serial killer obsessive (but not in a ‘writes to murderers asking them to marry me’ kinda way). I’ve always been interested in what drives a person to commit such horrific acts of violence, and this was really the perfect show for me.
The series is based on the early career of John E Douglas – the OG criminal profiler who created the system in which law enforcement now use to understand (and categorise) the behaviour of violent criminals. He talked to some of the worst in history; including Ted Bundy and Dennis Rader, so you can expect some pretty twisted conversations throughout. If you’re into the macabre and a great 70s soundtrack – look no further.
Stranger Things 2
I binged this within a day and my only complaint about this season is it ended far too soon. Good soundtrack and a classic fight between good and evil.
(Also just date me Steve, I promise I’ll always appreciate you and your 80s haircut.)
I don’t usually watch ITV because it tends to be tack, but I really enjoyed this series and I’m glad it will be back. It follows the story of a woman who wakes up after a date with a seemingly nice successful guy only to accuse him of sexual assault. The story twists and turns and will have you not sure who to believe until the very end. A really great thriller.
The Killing Season
This came out a year ago but I really enjoyed it and I’ve been waiting on season 2 to come along (fingers crossed) since. Two documentary film makers travel along inner sections and state lines to investigate a string of disappearances and killings, theorising there could be more active serial killers than originally thought. This is really dark but a totally gripping watch.
A re-enactment show that isn’t tacky; it’s basically investigation discovery meets True Detective (season 1). Each episode interviews retired detectives who talk about the worst cases they ever worked on and it’s true what they say; reality really is stranger than fiction. They have an array of decent actors in the stories, including Michael Madsen from Kill Bill. My boyfriend and I watched season 1 and 2 together (and we both cried at the last episodes of both seasons). They save the absolute worst for last and still to this day it makes me (a hardened horror and true crime obsessive) feel uneasy.
Oh Elliot, how I’ve missed you. If you’ve not seen this series, then stop what you are doing. Get season 1 up immediately and binge up to where we are now (season 3). It’s so spectacularly shot, the characters are complex and as a whole, it has more twists than a 90s M. Night Shyamalan blockbuster. You won’t be disappointed.
Okay I’ve been getting all dark so it’s time to lighten it up – I don’t want anyone getting seasonal depression because of this list.
Vice Principles is that beautiful balance between making you want to hit your own head against a wall because it’s so unbearably cringeworthy and just straight up hilarious. It follows two vice principles and their power struggle to become top dog at North Jackson High. It’s got great plot twists and writing throughout. I promise you’ll enjoy it if you liked Eastbound & Down.